I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately…
Is that weird?
Maybe it’s the deep, philosophical side of me, or (much more likely) perhaps it’s the neon pink over glow that exists this time of year in supermarket candy aisles.
Whatever the case, I have been giving the topic of love some serious thought. Specifically, the “love” that, for many, seems as elusive as a Mississippi black panther.
No, I’m not talking about a “flash-in-the-pan” junior high puppy love, a “get-your-hopes-up-and-drop-you-on-your-face” summer love, or even a, “she-can-do-wrong“ newly-married love.
Instead, I’m talking about the kind of love that only those who stay together for a really long time seem to unlock. It’s that relationship secret sauce that takes years to get juuust right, but only after a whole lot of trial and error.
The type of love I’m talking about here is that special connection between a person and their “person.”
But… what about when you just can’t seem to locate your “person” and you’re beginning to wonder if they even exist?
Furthermore, if they do exist, you’re starting to doubt if your paths will ever even cross.
What are you supposed to do? Just wait?
I’d like to share with you some proactive things you can do to help find your person without becoming a creepy stalker… person.
1. Pray for your person.
If you are meant to be with someone, and they are in fact out there, I believe that God would have you be together. You need to begin praying for them though. Pray that, if it is God’s will, He will supernaturally guide them to you when He is ready (and when you are emotionally and spiritually ready). Pray that God would begin preparing this person’s heart to meet someone like you, whoever they are. Pray that God would help this person be the person they ought to be for God and His kingdom before you two ever meet. Also, pray that this person would be able to resist the worldly temptation to “cheap out” in seeking love in all the wrong places.
I know it’s probably a little strange to pray for someone you don’t even know yet (especially when you can’t even picture who it is you’re praying for), but it’s not too much of a stretch. After all, even though you don’t know them yet, God knows them, and if that’s not a sign of faith towards God, I don’t know what is.
2. Be that person.
In 2 Kings 3, God told Elisha (the man of God) to direct the kings of Israel, Judea, and Edom to go and dig some ditches in preparing for rain. It had not rained, and did not appear that it was going to rain, so digging a bunch of ditches for the purpose of catching non-existent rain seemed like a lot of potentially pointless work. Should these guys obey this directive, it would be an act of complete faith.
Long story short, they exhibited obedience in digging those ditches, and God let it (as we say in the south), “Come a flood!”
It’s amazing to me that the same people who want desperately to find a mate who “completes” them, are not willing to put in some time and effort in their own lives improving themselves in preparing for that mate. It’s almost like they hope they’re just going to “win the lottery” and happen upon their soulmate.
Invest in yourself, improve yourself, sharpen your mind, make healthier choices and draw closer to God. In this way, you’ll be digging those ditches and preparing yourself to receive the blessing of a good and godly mate for life.
3. Don’t settle for anything less than your person.
Listen up, you are worth more than you think. You are not a pile of trash, damaged goods, or second class. YOU are made in the image of Almighty God, and that God wants THE best for His children (and I don’t think that’s just spiritual mumbo-jumbo either).
This is where so many people really mess themselves up.
They grow weary of waiting and become desperate because nothing seems to be working in this area of their lives, so they sell out for anyone that will pay them a little bit of attention. They figure, “Well, I know he/she has some bad qualities, and those certainly throw some red flags but then again, I don’t think I could do any better, so…”
Look, when you meet somebody that you think could potentially be your “person”, cautiously observe their character, vet them, and don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. And if you think this might scare them off? Well, they were probably not “the one“ for you anyway. You would honestly be better off single for the rest of your life than uniting with a terrible human being who just seemed genuine for a little while.
4. Be open for your person.
Now, I understand this might seem like it’s in a little bit of contrast to the last point, but let me explain.
God’s will is not always our will.
What I mean by that is, the grand picture of the perfect life with the two-story house, the picket fence, the dog and the eventual three kids might sound like the American dream, but it may not be God’s plan for you.
So while you’re looking for the most handsome guy or the hottest girl, God may have someone more unassuming picked out for you that will bring a lifetime of happiness along with dependability and fullness.
Keep your eyes and mind open!
5. Consider that God may not actually have you a person.
This is probably going to be the least popular point on this post. After all, if you’ve gotten this far in a post about “finding your person”, that means you’re probably interested in… finding a person! And that’s not a bad thing. As a matter fact, it’s pretty doggone natural to desire love and companionship! All I am saying is don’t ignore the possibility that God might want you to stay alone, even if it is only for a season.
See though, we’ve gotten to the point where we idolize human intimate love. We really and truly believe that we can’t live without it. We think that it is as necessary as the air we breathe.
Now, I won’t disagree with you that human beings need love; that’s a solid point, but I think the correct question to ask would be, “Who’s love is absolutely necessary in our lives?“ I think the answer that would be, “God’s.” And a love like that can only be truly known by actively pursuing a relationship with Him.
Give some serious thought to the possibility that maybe God would have to take this time to focus purely on Him and quit worrying about who, when, what or where.
6. Understand that your person will not complete you.
Allow me to let you in on a little secret… Ready?
Finding love does not complete you.
I know, I know…. “blasphemy” right? You might say, “Josh, that sounds really counter-cultural?” Well, that’s because it is.
Now, I understand, that’s what dreams and fairytales are made of, but that’s just it, those are fairytales.
Have you ever considered that maybe the thought of having another person “complete” you is absolutely insane? I mean, think about it. How much responsibility does that place on another human being? Regardless of how “compatible” you two are, you can expect just about any relationship to crumble under that kind of pressure.
Even considering the “one flesh” argument from Scripture (which I believe), there will still be a void in your spirit even IF you happen to find your person because the only person that can “complete” you is God. That’s it. Period.
7. Remember Who’s in charge.
The minute you take the steering wheel away from God, and start trying to force things is the minute point your life’s ship toward the rocks and begin heading for a world of hurt.
Remember, He can see ahead in your future. You can’t. He knows what you’ll be going through in a year or two, or even ten. A lot can happen in that amount of time. You might even be a completely different person then.
These are variables that you can’t predict, so stop trying to. Let Him have the reigns and ask Him to guide you. Submit to His will through obedience and let Him mold you into that person you need to be, so, when the time is right, He can reveal your person to you.